Saturday, December 22, 2007

Craniorectal Disorder

Craniorectal disorder is a disease that is common worldwide, but most often found in crowded places where it can be transmitted more easily. At certain times of the year, such as those around holidays, when people tend to assemble in such places, the occurrence of this disorder becomes more frequent. Known more commonly by its English name, the so-called "Head in Ass Disease" is known to not just affect the person carrying it, but also those in any range of proximity.

Symptoms include lack of awareness of ongoing social activity and general disregard for the presence of others/ their particular needs and wants. They may also include unwillingness to "budge," stopping in the middle of a street or walkway without notice, walking or driving in a lane outside of those previously established.

Though a cure has yet to be found, Craniorectal Disorder can be treated by adhering to the following steps when in a public place: opening eyes to at least 35% capability, lifting head so it faces forward, listening for audible cues such as horns or whistles, or making one's best attempt to dislodge the cranium from the rectum when appropriate.

Friday, December 21, 2007

New Board and Photos from Venice

I finally got my long awaited shredder courtesy of Ezera. It's delightful and it's going to make those chilly sessions a little easier to cope with.






Here are a couple photos from this morning:


A view of the Venice Breakwater. That wave is pretty small so I skipped South.



Looking North from the same spot, with Pacific Palisades on the far right and all of Malibu. It was a really clear morning after the rain and storm clouds had gone away.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Glenn Beck - An Inconvenient Douchebag



For those who follow politics, you may have come across a pundit named Glenn Beck. He has his own show on Fox News, but begins his show (or at least the one I saw) with a disclaimer that he is not a journalist and thus is not ethically required to be unbiased. Well, that's good, because he isn't. The problem is that he spews the kind of propaganda based on dichotomies that makes people in our country live in fear rather than peace. On his show, Beck showed tape of terrorist bombings around the Middle East and essentially claimed that all Muslims wanted to kill Americans and were training to do so.

For those who have yet to heard my perspective on this whole thing, I hold with those who think that the Middle East conflict is a merely disguised as a religious conflict. It is a cultural conflict, perhaps, and a developmental conflict. These people aren't pissed that we have insulted their religion, we have insulted their way of life. They want to live simply and with certain cultural customs that we don't necessarily share. Conflict? Not yet. The conflict has arisen when we decide not to respect the sovereignty of those customs. We try to push our ideas down their throats by installing Western business styles and governments. Oh, and then there's Israel, which the West placed on the Western end of the Middle East, in the middle of an area full of people that notoriously clash with Jews. This is not about religion, it is about respect for a people's personal space.

So back to Beck. I was in Borders yesterday and I saw a book entitled "An Inconvenient Book." Weird, sounds like "An Inconvenient Truth," I wonder who wrote it and what it's about. Well, it was written by Beck. I am tempted to buy it and see what kinds of "facts" he throws in there, because the intro claims the book to be full of them. However it gives us a teaser fact, which is that there is more CO2 in the air now than there has ever been, and people are living longer than they ever have, so it must not be having a negative effect! Holy Shit! Mr. Beck, just because two facts exist at the same time doesn't mean one causes the other. Maybe people live longer because we are incubated against disease by the drugs that we create, our houses that spew air conditioning, our ultra-safe cars, etc.? Maybe? All of these things keep us safe, but also cause some amount of pollution to the environment.

How about these two facts? There are 100's of millions of cell phones in the United States, and AIDS affects millions of Africans. As one goes up, the other goes up. Are they related? Yes. Does one cause the other, or do they share a common cause? No. Millions of Americans want to keep up with the communication revolution associated with the Flat World, and Africans contract disease because of poor health care. Not a close causal relationship there. (You could find one, possibly in the exploitation of third world labor, particularly for a certain element of cell phones only found in Africa and the effect of that exploitation on African health care, but it's a stretch. Though not as much of a stretch as Beck's.)

Here's the point: Don't listen to people on the news, or at least take what they say with a grain of salt and be wary of statistics (even ones you agree with).

Monday, December 17, 2007

Want a Drink?

As my hangover reminds me, I went to a couple uber-trendy Hollywood clubs last nights in which shots seemed to flow like the salmon of Capistrano. I started with a Dewer's on the rocks and finished with a half drank shot of tequila. As I was wandering through one joint in a buzzy stuper I paused for a second and noticed a guy tuning a leggy model-esque blonde that was a few solid inches taller than said bloke. Anyway, the guy who was apparently her boyfriend walked up just as guy #1 had bought Ms. Leggy a Red Headed Slut,



so he turned and passed it to me after having been barred. My, how fortuitous on my behalf - one man's fate is another man's fortune. After checking for roofies, I downed the large shot in a couple gulps, dodged some folks, and managed to hitch a ride home so I could sleep until late morning.

Ahhh yes. LA is treating me well.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

WESC Party

I went to the WESC



party in Beverly Hills last night with Oscar and his friend, and a great time was had by all. The Matson Two played some jazz with Ray Barbee, there were free containers of MGD, PBR and good ole Dale Earnhardts,



and of course some steezed out men and ladies.

Thanks for the free cold ones, WESC, and check out their store if you're in the greater LA region.

 

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Feast and Famine

Last week the waves were 15 feet, today it isn't surfable. I have no idea what is going on with the ocean, but it sucks. It's cold, windy, and the waves are shit. Come on mother ocean, send us some swell for a consistent period of time. Add a little warm weather on top of that or I might just go mental this winter.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Learning to Tie

I now know how to tie a tie, after 22 years and countless failed attempts. No thanks to this tricky, but nevertheless comical video...





Sunday, December 9, 2007

LA - Land of Wonders

In addition to being new to the land o' blogs, I am also new to the municipality that is Los Angeles, California, sector Venice Beach. This place is amazing, crazy, chaotic and beautiful. The traffic is nuts - it takes 20 mins to get 5 miles in any direction. Well, 5 miles west is about 4 miles into the Pacific. The folks are different too, different from SB and SD that is. Huge mix of people here, but seems like everyone wants to be an actor or a singer. Luckily I have no talent in either so I don't have to worry about fitting into that crowd. Also, there are lots of tall, good looking people here. I might stay here for a month or 20 years. We'll all just have to wait and see. I am definitely digging it for now.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Your Kids Are Not Vegetarian

Welcome to my first blog ever, and my first post on my first blog. I figured I would start out with something pertinent to all of our everyday lives: dumbass parents. I was catering a private party and a woman came in with her two kids, who were about 6 and 8 years old. She was two hours late, the kitchen was closed and there was barely any food left, but being the masters of service we are, we offered to make her kids a couple plates of food. We asked her what she wanted as we described what we had to offer, including some delicious ham, turkey and prime rib, and she punctuated her snappy request with "Oh, and no meat because they're vegetarian." Listen lady, your kids are not vegetarian. 

You may choose not to eat meat, or feed your kids meat, but being vegetarian means you choose not to eat meat for yourself. Kids that age don't even know how to make a PB and J, how they hell are they supposed to have aptly weighed an issue that society had failed to agree upon. Are they doing it for the animal rights? Doubtful. We never see the kinds of animals we eat in public, probably because they are pent up in slaughter houses. Your 2nd grader doesn't care for animal rights. Then it's for the health right? Nope. Elementary school kids don't need to worry about colon cancer as much as they need to worry about getting enough nutrients to grow. Let's cut the BS here. Don't deprive your kids by not letting them eat meat. Tasty, buttery, tender, rare meat. mmmmm... 

Remember what PETA really stands for - People Eating Tasty Animals. Your 6 and 8 year olds are not vegetarians.