Quick Vegas Trip

I took a trip to Vegas yesterday and came back today to see my mom complete the course I did out there about 6 months ago. It was a great time, got to see a lot of my friends who I don't see or talk to enough, enjoy some sushi and enjoy the scenic drive.

I was on the way home this afternoon and about a mile from my house when I pulled behind a small VW with a man, woman and child in it. The car has Nevada plates, he was in the left lane of a four lane road and I couldn't pass him, but he was going slow as hell... probably 30 in a 40. So I love-tapped my horn and passed him right after when I got a chance to go. Well the guy wasn't too happy about the honk. He tailgated me then pulled next to me at the next signal and, quoth he, "Hey I'm from Vegas, I'm not from some freak town like you." I may have yelled something back as he drove away.



It was great. Here I drive 275 miles each without incident either way, don't sit in traffic except for right near my house, and some loco Las Vegan (is that what they're called?) gives me a clever and stern lesson on regional traffic differences. I have spent quite a bit of time in Vegas, and have driven myself just about every time. The traffic gets bad, but not that bad. The worst it gets is how the 10 and 405 freeways are basically all day. Still, having your head up your ass doesn't really pair well with driving no matter where you are. We drive as fast as we can when we can because it's always short lived. And freak town? Come on. Venice weirder than Vegas? That's a push, but I'm not even FROM here.

Thanks for the comedy sir. You probably know some people I know, and you probably aren't even a dick, as I assumed you may have been. You probably are witty too, though from your comment I have my doubts. It's good to go, and it's good to be back.

Trust Women - thanks for the prompt

This is a funny one. I was walking back from surfing in Manhattan last week and I saw a Camry or some other sedan with this sticker on it. I am not sure what the logic behind the sticker it. It presumes that a large number of people don't trust women, or that we can't or shouldn't trust them. What if the sticker said "Trust Asians" or "Trust Euro-mutts" (i.e. me). As a Euro mutt I would be confused by that. Do people in general consider me untrustworthy?

I found the image above on a website entitled "what men think of women" with the following ten judgments of men toward women. They are funny, yes. True, perhaps. Reasons to mistrust? I'm not sure.

Top Ten Reasons Why American Women Suck
1) Selfish - to the point where they don't know the difference between love of self and plain downright greed--and drilled into believing that whatever happens is the fault of whatever man is in their life because of the feminist crud drilled into them by the cadre of asexual closet cases called "therapists" who appear on "Ricki", "Oprah" or other such electronic drivel
2) Deluded - into thinking they "deserve" a rich, model-handsome husband who will "take them away from all of this"--whatever the "this" might be--and leading to resentment when they discover that the universe does NOT revolve around them
3) Angry - ALL the damn time about things which are so far out of their control as to be nonsensical--and constantly wanting to "discuss" this mind numbing drivel ad nauseam
4) Psychotic - multiple personalities in the same woman - as "Nomad" put it in the "Star Trek" episode: "Woman...a mass of inconsistencies...", and also when the feminist voices in their heads start with the regrets and victim acculturation
5) Worthless - anything that does not immediately resolve itself in her favor or to her benefit is meaningless to her, especially husband and family
6) Lazy - drilled into their head that they "deserve" a maid, nanny and personal slave to take care of every detail - and that their husband/boyfriend is REQUIRED to cater to their each and every mindless whim
7) Resentful - especially of other women who have things that they do not, in material, spiritual and esoteric senses
8) Greedy - to them, "housekeeping" means getting the house in the divorce (thanks to Zsa Zsa for that immortal line) and sucking the guy for every last cent, even if they had nothing to do with the building of the nest egg
9) Mindless - constant, irritating, idle prattle about topics they read about in some women's magazine and then become instant experts--particularly pop psychology and the latest crap they see on "Oprah" or "Ricki"
10) Vain - believing that they are irresistible to everything in pants and therefore are allowed to behave sluttish and without any honor

Why didn't anyone tell me?

I thought I would conclude National Sucker's Day...I mean Valentine's Day...with a few things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in life that would have made my life much easier. They blend together, but you get the point. I will add to this as I remember more important lessons.

1. Look at a girl's eyes, not her tits, as she's talking to you. Ok, this one is tricky. One side is saying, "Tits are amazing and what she is saying isn't." But the other side is saying, "Resist, resist, resist, you look like a creep." Useful information that I didn't learn early enough.

2. She won't always be that hot. This goes along with impermanence I talked about a couple weeks ago. The best looking girls from high school end up hairdressers or bartenders, 40 lbs overweight and looking like they have been chain smoking cigarettes since 10th grade. And those 23 year old guys they were dating junior year? They will be doing the roofing on the house I build myself in a few years.

3. Hidden gems. Yes, we all want to be the Alpha male and nail the Alpha female, but we all can't. They tend to be the worst for us anyway (see #4). Those select few that don't quite blip the radar are the real diamonds in the rough. Go ahead an take care of that and don't worry about the ultra nutty ones.

4. Good looking women tend to be more insane than the rest of them. They are concerned about their weight even though their bodies are immaculate, and they are self-conscious about what men and other women think of them. They are NUTS.

5. The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice. I don't know if this is actually true, but Tom Martin says it a lot and it's brilliant.

6. Chicks are sluts. Ok, bold statement. I mean women have stronger libidos than men. They are hornier. Rabid. There is a key to every lock and once you find it you enter the secret magical garden.

7. Women are cars, men are houses. That is, women depreciate in value, but men gain value as they age. How else would the oldest men end up with the hottest young ladies? It's a brand new Ferrari parked in a Hollywood Hills garage. And you can bet he's getting a new Ferrari next year.

8. Be a closer, not an opener. In baseball, the opener gets to throw the first pitch but rarely throws the last pitch. The closer is the one who gets all the glory by finishing off the other team. It's way more fun to be a closer than an opener.

9. A little goes a long way. This has served me well in business and life in general. Go the little extra bit that you don't think with be worth it and it with be much more worth it than you thought.

10. Don't be afraid to try your best. Kind of like the one above...chances are people want to see you try and not just be a lazy ass. Try your best and watch it pay off tenfold.

11. Don't make life decisions based on other people. We have all seen people make this mistake. They choose to do something based on what their parents want or significant other wants, but the best results come from doing something based on what you feel is right.

12. You are your own greatest asset. It's easy to think that someone is going to bail you out whenever you get into deep shit, but that probably isn't going to happen. The only person you can know for sure will always be on your side is yourself - if you decide that it's going to be like that.

13. When the cup is full, one cannot add tea. This comes from an ancient Zen story in which a student says he wants to know more, but his actions indicate that he thinks he knows everything. The master pours more tea into a full cup and says "You must empty your cup before I can add more tea." If you think you know everything, there is no room for improvement.

14. Plant the seed and water the tree if you want to pick the fruit. Things take time and care. The proper combination of these things, along with some luck, with ensure that things happen.

Do you really need that Blackberry?

I get it. Blackberries are pretty cool, they do tons of stuff, you can get emails while you are on the phone and phone calls while you are checking emails and text messages. But really, do you need one? I am not talking to the business folks who are going through hundreds of emails and phone calls a day, arranging a schedule and maintaining a contact address book.

I am talking to YOU. If you get 3 texts a day and a couple phone calls and maybe some emails from your choice social networks telling you your friend has left you a cute comment, you don't need an effin Blackberry. Every phone made since 2000 does pretty much all of that, and the internet is free in 90% of public space. Please people. Get rid of your Blackberries so you don't look like such a massive tool.

That moment of passion that has struck all of us...

You're at a bar or some other public place, perhaps the beach, starbucks, or a dog park. Suddenly this new object of your affection has entered your world. She's got all the right moves, she's THE ONE. It all goes down something like this: