Which is worse?

Hipsters are lame. We all know this. They misread what being "cool" actually is - a personality trait - instead dressing in the latest fashionable gear that just so happens to be what everyone else in a given area is wearing. This is no different than every other group, whose members identify characteristics in others they like and imitate them. This is not to be condescended upon. If we were all to try to be original all the time we would probably look like Lady Gaga. It is also functional in a society in which many different people and groups exist and it is too difficult to identify every person for who they actually are. When I was given a degree as a certified artist in sociology, I learned that this is called symbolic interaction.

Really though, my gripe with hipsters isn't the fixie, the deep v-neck, the tight pants, the dark color palate, the ironic hat, the lack of socks, the Ray-Bans or the topsiders. No, I like all of these things for what they are. The problem with hipsters is the couldn't-be-fucked attitude. These folks like to act like they are so much better than other people in a bar, at a show, in a coffee shop (where they also work as a barista), or in my house. You aren't that cool until you have something interesting to say.




AND then there's hippies. Hippies are the Hugo Chavez to hipsters' George W. Bush. They're at the opposite ends of the spectrum but they both suck. They are so into nature and organic food that they have to be militant dicks (see: city of Santa Cruz, CA). Give it up hippies. Nobody gives a fuck about the 40 bumper stickers on your Prius, untrimmed beard, horrid stench, pants that zip off into shorts, pseudo hiking shoes or the fact that you're constantly nibbling on something unidentifiable. There is no need to act like people are judging your appearance or political choices. They are judging you because you're a dick. A phony dick. If world peace is the solution, how about starting with the person you're talking to.

Verdict: Hipsters are worse in the short term, hippies are worse in the long term. Hipsters will go away soon because what they wear isn't going to be cool for much longer. Once hipster chic reaches critical mass the party will end. Hippies are more like weeds or asexual reproducing amoebas. They evolve to promote the issue du jour - from global warming to genocide in Darfur, from using corn as fuel to not using corn as fuel.

The actual worst is the hippie hipster, or the Latin Hippiesterus Veniceus.