Why didn't anyone tell me?

I thought I would conclude National Sucker's Day...I mean Valentine's Day...with a few things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in life that would have made my life much easier. They blend together, but you get the point. I will add to this as I remember more important lessons.

1. Look at a girl's eyes, not her tits, as she's talking to you. Ok, this one is tricky. One side is saying, "Tits are amazing and what she is saying isn't." But the other side is saying, "Resist, resist, resist, you look like a creep." Useful information that I didn't learn early enough.

2. She won't always be that hot. This goes along with impermanence I talked about a couple weeks ago. The best looking girls from high school end up hairdressers or bartenders, 40 lbs overweight and looking like they have been chain smoking cigarettes since 10th grade. And those 23 year old guys they were dating junior year? They will be doing the roofing on the house I build myself in a few years.

3. Hidden gems. Yes, we all want to be the Alpha male and nail the Alpha female, but we all can't. They tend to be the worst for us anyway (see #4). Those select few that don't quite blip the radar are the real diamonds in the rough. Go ahead an take care of that and don't worry about the ultra nutty ones.

4. Good looking women tend to be more insane than the rest of them. They are concerned about their weight even though their bodies are immaculate, and they are self-conscious about what men and other women think of them. They are NUTS.

5. The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice. I don't know if this is actually true, but Tom Martin says it a lot and it's brilliant.

6. Chicks are sluts. Ok, bold statement. I mean women have stronger libidos than men. They are hornier. Rabid. There is a key to every lock and once you find it you enter the secret magical garden.

7. Women are cars, men are houses. That is, women depreciate in value, but men gain value as they age. How else would the oldest men end up with the hottest young ladies? It's a brand new Ferrari parked in a Hollywood Hills garage. And you can bet he's getting a new Ferrari next year.

8. Be a closer, not an opener. In baseball, the opener gets to throw the first pitch but rarely throws the last pitch. The closer is the one who gets all the glory by finishing off the other team. It's way more fun to be a closer than an opener.

9. A little goes a long way. This has served me well in business and life in general. Go the little extra bit that you don't think with be worth it and it with be much more worth it than you thought.

10. Don't be afraid to try your best. Kind of like the one above...chances are people want to see you try and not just be a lazy ass. Try your best and watch it pay off tenfold.

11. Don't make life decisions based on other people. We have all seen people make this mistake. They choose to do something based on what their parents want or significant other wants, but the best results come from doing something based on what you feel is right.

12. You are your own greatest asset. It's easy to think that someone is going to bail you out whenever you get into deep shit, but that probably isn't going to happen. The only person you can know for sure will always be on your side is yourself - if you decide that it's going to be like that.

13. When the cup is full, one cannot add tea. This comes from an ancient Zen story in which a student says he wants to know more, but his actions indicate that he thinks he knows everything. The master pours more tea into a full cup and says "You must empty your cup before I can add more tea." If you think you know everything, there is no room for improvement.

14. Plant the seed and water the tree if you want to pick the fruit. Things take time and care. The proper combination of these things, along with some luck, with ensure that things happen.