Thunk

I just got home from a 4-day bender in New York where I had a lot of time to reflect on things, albeit reflect while hammered drunk. That city is legendary and it's pretty much impossible not to feed off of the energy. After spending a chunk of time in Paris, SW France and now in NYC, I am slightly overcome by the desire to live somewhere else. I didn't really understand why until this weekend, but it is all about the people. The people in NYC don't look much different than people here, they just act different. One doesn't get the sense that people are trying to be celebrities because if they were nobody would give a fuck. There is something in the water in LA, an attitude of general cuntishness that is so unpleasant.

But where is this perfect place I want to live? Mine would combine a big city with serene beaches and mountains, uncrowded surf, reasonably warm water, a chance to develop a career and friendly people. Like the perfect woman, I'm not sure this place even exists. She may have most of the elements, but then she is too cold. Or she is a little too boring.

Then one must question if he should settle, or question if that is even a question, and if settling is something we must all learn how to do in order to find a semblance of satisfaction. Maybe the concept of what an ideal life is what needs to change and not all or any of the elements that would comprise it. This leads to further ramblings, concerning the role of intense philosophical examination of one's existence. And if they are even productive. Le'JayDe and I were discussing the idea that stupid people probably have the best sex because people with a couple more synapses firing are too neurotic to enjoy it fully. Is life the same way? Does one's (purported and socially-defined) intellect get in the way of self-actualization? Does thinking so much really just fuck us up?

Next steps to be determined...

The Nada

Hemingway's exploration of the nada, the state of nothingness in which some of us (me) often languish and thrive:

It was not a fear or dread, It was a nothing that he knew too well. It was all anothing and a man was a nothing too. It was only that and light was all it needed and a certain cleanness and order. Some lived in it and never felt it but he knew it all was nada y pues nada y nada y pues nada. Our nada who art in nada, nada be thy name thy kingdom nada thy will be nada in nada as it is in nada. Give us this nada our daily nada and nada us our nada as we nada our nadas and nada us not into nada but deliver us from nada; pues nada. Hail nothing full of nothing, nothing is with thee.

- A Clean, Well-Lighted Place