Thursday, May 28, 2009

Maurice Cole - What the fuck do you eat?



Many of the millions of our readers may not have heard of Maurice Cole, but the man is a legend. He has shaped boards for the best surfers in the world, stirred shit, been a revolutionary, has a cool teddy bear logo, reportedly learned French by re-doing his children's homework, and has now survived cancer. In this interview (http://surf.transworld.net/2009/05/27/maurice-cole-emerges/) with Transworld Surf he discusses new designs and his bout with prostate cancer. However one question lingers in one's mind after this quote:

And then I read this book and since then it’s been no more sugar, no more dairy products, no more pasta, no more bread, no fruit—I’ve totally cleaned up my life.


What the fuck do you actually eat MC?

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Shaq is Gay?


Sounds like Shaq is interested in squeezing more than just basketballs.

In today's New York Times, basketball star Shaquille O'Neal, who has been one of the most dominant big men in the game for years, released a rap album, starred in Shazzam, and is an honorary police officer, hinted that he may be coming out of the closet. Check out this direct quotation as he goes into what his "type" is:

"I love Bryant Gumbel, I like guys that are very intelligent. I love guys with beautiful voices. I love guys with personalities. I love guys who know what they're talking about."







*Quote taken out of context. Shaq is learning to be a basketball commentator and was discussing his influences. In no way is benperreira.blogspot.com or its staff responsible for any rumors of implied homosexuality. Please don't kick my ass or sue me Shaq. I am skinny and I have no money.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Love/ Hate


Something I love:
The Thumbs Up
-Multipurpose
-Simple, as in easy to use when drunk of when words are otherwise unavailable
-Internationally recognized
-Clear and not ambiguous

Something I hate:
Portmanteaus
-Annoy-eriffic
-Clich-itty
-Un-fantabulous

I'm not on a "staycation" when I stay home for the weekend or be called 'Benifer" when in the presence of someone named Jennifer. Companies shouldn't be called VirtuCorp or RadiCo. We have many words in the English language, many of which most people don't know and the vast majority of which people can't spell. Let's use those before we take two simple words and make something portmantastic.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

"It gives you a boner"



Two posts in one day is ridiculous, but Manny Ramirez should have done what Dewey Cox did and stayed away.

Just remember, if an erection lasts more than four hours, call more ladies.

Eustress

The weekend is upon me (I don't work on Fridays out of principle) and I am once again faced with many a tough choice. Let's review them, in no specific order:

1) Go to San Diego to spend some time with my mom for Mother's Day. Surf good waves, eat good food, lounge around.

2) Go to Vegas with some friends to stay in some comped suites, drink comped booze, and likely engage in a brief and meaningless albeit satisfying liaison with a delightful young woman.

3) Stay in LA, party with friends all day Saturday, surf around here and enjoy the sun, play kickball and go bowling on Sunday.

I hate these kinds of choices. Sometimes choices are easy, like blondes or brunettes (brunettes), rights or lefts (lefts), light or dark beer (dark), ass or tits (ass). All of my options look pretty solid at this point and I am dreading the doom of this decision.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Shhhlinco de Mayo


Cinco de Mayo sequence of events:

9:02 am - Arrive at work.

9:04 am - Ready to leave work, perhaps go drink a beer

5:15 pm - Leave work, stop at FedEx to ship a package and there is a hot Asian woman in line in front of me, early 30's, great body, the day is already looking better

6:00 pm - Arrive at Cabo Cantina in Venice via bicycle. It's packed, I need a drink, I find my friends from my kickball team and get 2 beers for the price of 1.

6:45 pm - My beers are gone, so I order 2 more and a burrito. My friends order a margarita that comes in a glass a midget could bathe in.

7:00 pm - My third beer is gone and knowing how long the line will be, I head to the bathroom. I had several large gulps of said margarita and am feeling pretty good.

7:10 pm - I'm in line for the bathroom and shooting the shit with another dude in line. We are talking about how I am a genius for thinking of the idea of bars having a wall for its patrons to piss on.

7:30 pm - My fourth beer is disappearing, my burrito, its spicy salsa and my friends' margarita are rapidly making their way down my gullet, the sun is going down, but it's still 95 degrees in our booth.

8:00 pm - I head to the bathroom again. The line is long and full of chicks, but my friend is in the front of the line, so I go to the front of the line.

8:15 pm - My burrito is gone, my beers are gone, and I am poaching from the bevy of margaritas on the table.

8:20 pm - I order a margarita of my own - and make that a double, please. The guy sitting next to me and I are throwing ice and limes at our friend across the table. I am hitting her in the face like Kobe hits jumpshots. Every damn time.

8:25 pm - She dumps the ice from her finished margarita on me. It's hilarious to all, including me. I begin to plot my tactful revenge.

8:45 pm - I finish my margarita, but in our hot booth the ice has all melted. My friend sitting next to me is an accomplice in our plan to get said woman back. He gives me the ice from his margarita, distracts her, and I dump the ice down her shirt. If you can't take the heat then get out of the kitchen. I am too drunk to realize or care if she is offended.

9:00 pm - I am cross-eyed drunk, slurring, and need to leave. I exit without telling anyone. I can't read the combo on my bike lock, but I manage to unlock it. I get on my bike and ride home.

9:15 pm - Back at home my room mates and some friends are having a mellow cinco by drinking and making beer and eating some Mexican food. I go put on some sweatpants and lay in my bed. My room is spinning so I decide to leave my bed to avoid ralphing in it.

9:30 pm - Our neighbor is telling us about how he used to be married. I am surprised since he isn't very old. I also feel the urge to let some of this alcohol out in vomit form. I puke a little but not enough to be satisfied.

9:45 pm - I go try to puke again and I am more successful.

10:30 pm - My room is still spinning but I manage to fall asleep.